I’m still not 100% sure where this little blog idea is headed.  I am pretty sure that there will be lighter posts in our future, but it is important for me to be as transparent as possible since we are just getting started.  You’d think that keeping up with a blogsite wouldn’t be such a daunting task for someone who enjoys writing.  I didn’t think it would be hard when I launched my site.  I was all, no big deal…I LOVE to write, and I have a ton of ideas to talk about.  This is a no brainer – I got this for sure!  And then…I noticed the cracks.  There are a few, and not where you might think.  I started finding a thousand reasons not to sit down and write. Cue the Wayne’s World flashback noises. (I’ll wait while you check it out. *Extra credit if you just did the sound AND the hand motions) Whoa…It’s been a week since I posted, I really should put something together…tomorrow.  It’s December 1st – I have to decorate for Christmas, and grocery shop today.  Side note – I asked my 19 year old son to bring up our artificial tree that day and set it up that day so we could decorate it.  He told me he’d be happy to bring it up, but no sense in helping me decorate because I was sure to rearrange things the way I like them anyway, and that seemed like it would just delay my goal of completing our decorations in a timely fashion.  He paraphrased, honestly, and with a semi-sarcastic tone and a little laugh, but it still hit right where it was aimed.  I couldn’t even pretend to be wounded while I decorated it by myself because he was absolutely right, and I’ll get to that a little later.  Ok, December 4th – I’d better take advantage of this good weather and get out on a golf course while I can since I was invited – I’ll write something tomorrow.  Another December day – this garage has been a hot mess for the entire 3 and a half years we’ve lived here…I better clean it up right now.  Then tomorrow I need to deliver clothes to a shelter downtown, also, I really need to organize 19 years of photos in my office…today!  Seriously. All. The. Distractions.  Then a couple days ago, a memory came up on my FB of a quote I posted like 9 years ago.  I heard it loud and clear and still I kept trying to ignore it.  But the ringing would not leave me…and a text conversation with a friend today reminded me to look at it again, so here I am typing away.

“Ring the bells that still can ring.  Forget your perfect offering.  There is a crack in everything.  That’s how the light gets in.” ~Elizabeth Edwards

The truth in this quote is beautiful and brutal simultaneously, or as one of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle would say, “brutiful”.  I have adopted this term without apology, and use it often.  It is extremely accurate in so many circumstances, and this one is no exception.  The importance of showing up has never been more significant than in this brutiful year of our Lord and Savior 2020.  Good Grief!  This is not an exaggeration.  This year has been a challenge, to say the least, but it has provided us with a plethora of opportunities to see the cracks…and the light they let in.  Opportunities to show up and practice things like kindness and grace.  To show up for each other, and also for ourselves.  To practice new skills like navigating the mute button in Zoom meetings, properly following the arrows in the grocery store aisles, and even old skills like cooking and doing dishes all the live long day, EVERY day because you’re the only one who cooks in your house and someone always needs to eat something…am I right?  We can probably agree there are many others, but for me personally, none more difficult than practicing presence over perfection.  The key word being “practicing” because that skill takes work.  A lot of it.  Daily.  I mean…it’s hard.  But we can do hard things.

In reading Ms. Edwards’ words multiple times and genuinely considering the meaning, it occurred to me that the reason it speaks to me so loudly is because I am a self inflicted perfectionist. Raise a hand if you identify?  I have long lived by the idea that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well – thanks, Dad for that little gem.  I mean…it’s absolutely true, but holy cow does it ever bind you to an exhausting standard!  Add to that, a Type A personality with control issues, the inexplicable need to NOT disappoint people, an irrational fear of failure (yes, they go hand in hand), and well…hello, have we met?  This award winning recipe for procrastination is worthy of every Psychology major’s Pinterest board, and probably a text book somewhere. For real, y’all.  So back to the practicing I go…presence, not perfection.  Like letting your son help decorate the Christmas tree WITHOUT moving a single ornament he placed, even if they are all in one section and the rest is bare. Heavy sigh. Let me reiterate – this work is hard.  But I’m convinced it’s that way by design.  I am figuring out that writing this stuff down seems to be a balm for the cracks in my bells – oh yes, cracks; plural.  Simply acknowledging that there is a crack in everything helps.  We are all ringing bells with cracks in them, and we should continue to do so.  Admitting that those cracks are likely what make our individual sound unique in the bell choir of life is a bit more challenging, and knowing when to ring them anyway, or stop and repair them to keep the music in tune takes practice. It appears to be a cycle – like the same playlist on repeat – but as we get older, our individual parts in the sheet music versions of those songs get a little more complicated.  I hate to waste good analogies…where my band/choir geeks at?  I digress…

 

As I was working through this very post, I was reminded of another kind of practice I read about once called Kintsugi.  I could only remember the theory so I had to use the Google – I included a link for you in case you were interested.  “Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with lacquer dusted with gold, silver or platinum — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.”  This practice dates back to the 15th Century.  As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.  I think breakage and repair as part of our history as people is something we take for granted.  I get it…embracing one’s flaws is not super high on anyone’s to do list.  I am certain that it is exactly as difficult as it sounds, and likely to create more cracks if we aren’t careful about the process. It must be highly delicate and tedious work.  And also, if done correctly it blocks the light that was getting in, right?  Therein lies the dichotomy.  Cracks are necessary for light to enter.  Light illuminates flaws. Yet creating something stronger and more beautiful from brokenness (our flaws) is exactly the point, is it not?  In revisiting both the quote about bells, and this ancient practice, I think filling the cracks with those specific metals is the answer.  They are reflective materials.  So while we are repairing and strengthening our own cracks, we can reflect light to others who may need it.  It becomes a part of our history and strengthens who we are, going forward.  Instead of it being a flaw to disguise, it is now a lovely scar that bears witness to our transformation.  One that, when the light catches it just right, will reflect light back into the cracks of our world.  Perhaps letting someone else know they are not alone with their own scars; that the cracks in their bells are not just normal, but a necessary and  lovely part of our song.  I’m no philosopher, so you know…maybe I’ve just completely confused two very different theories, but I am going to run with it because it makes sense to me, and it reminds me that perfection is not the ultimate goal.  At the end of the day, that’s the reminder I need to show up for my people, cracks and all.  Practice makes progress, my friends, so ring the bells!  We can do hard things.